A concrete lawn ornament, popular with Midwestern mothers beginning in the 1980's. The Porch Goose is often dressed for the occasion, whether it be the Super Bowl, President's Day, or even "It Just Feels Like Fall". The owner, or "dresser", of a porch goose is wise to the making of a flag cake, and is invested, deeply, in the Joann Fabrics employee drama. Porch Geese are magical, and control the weather and all major elections with their mind. It is not our holidays we dress the Porch Goose up for. It is the Porch Goose's holidays we now believe are our own.